Surgeries and recoveries

We survived 2 tonsil removals, an adenoids removal, an adenoid tissue regrowth removal and a set of tubes all in one day.

On day 2 of kindergarten we went to see the ENT to check the little ones ears and talk about when to so tonsil removal on her plus see if the kindergartener would need hers out and if it would help her. Next thing we know we are scheduling surgery for the next day for both of our girls and the whirlwind began. I had to schedule the surgery and go to the surgery center to get them registered for surgery because we had to be there by 6:30 am. Then I had to go to the elementary school to talk to the kindergarteners teacher and the school nurse to get things settled for the week she was out of school plus gave them her excuse for missing school. I also had to talk to daycare about the both the girls being out of day care and if they would have everything that would be needed to take care of the littlest when she did return (enough Tylenol, soft foods, etc.). Lastly I had to run over to the pharmacy to get some antibiotics and medicine for the next day. I had to call work and tell them I couldn't come in the rest of the week and I didn't know when I would be able to return. The hardest part was explaining to my kindergartener that she would be undergoing surgery the next day. I had to do all of this not knowing if she would be having surgery because we had to wait for the anesthesiologist to approve her surgery since she only had pneumonia 5 weeks early (they usually don't do it unless its be at least 6 weeks. Thankfully, they did approve her.

I was going to go into this surgery with both girls all by myself. My hubby couldn't get the day off of work. Hell, he couldn't get any time off to help with recovery either. That's when my awesome mom stepped up and took time off work (unpaid) to come help me for the day. We got up in the morning and woke the girls with just enough to put them in the truck and leave the the surgery center. No need to have them up earlier since they couldn't eat or anything. They were pretty excited that they got to go in their pajamas. They were great through all the pre-op stuff and even posed for a few photos. My mom distracted while I chatted with the anesthesiologist because of the higher risks with the older of my two having just had pneumonia and all. After hearing all of the risks and what they may have to do and what may happen during surgery made me want to pull the plug on her surgery, but what about all the risks if we don't do it?  I know that if we didn't do this surgery there was no doubt in my mind she was going to end up with pneumonia for the fifth time sooner rather than later and then with the illness induced asthma where would that have ended us up at? The doctor? The hospital? I had to remember why I had agreed to her having this in the first place. To help her not be as sick as she was last winter. To help her breathe better and easier. To make a difference in her health so she can run around and be a  normal kid.

They took the littlest first. She happily went with the nurse to the OR. She walked right up to her, put her arms up and a way they went. The oldest, mom and myself were then escorted to a post-op room that they would bring both girls to when they were done. We stayed in there and waited until the littlest was done. Dr came out to tell us she was done and did great. Then a few minutes later they took the oldest away - crying and all. She was so afraid it wasn't even funny. I almost lost it a little bit watching her go, but by the time they got her down the hall the nurse had her laughing. We didn't have much time before the littlest was brought into us. We got her all settled on me sleeping. She slept for about 15 mins, then sat up and had a sip of juice. then slept for a little bit longer. Once she was up again we tried a Popsicle and it was slow going for a little bit then she ate that sucker like she hadn't eaten in a week. The anesthesiologist poked her head in and my heart dropped. I thought I was about to hear about complications in the oldest's surgery, but she said right away "It went great! No complications." Then in came our surgeon to tell us he believed that this would help her a great deal because there was a lot of debris in her tonsils and adenoids. The oldest was delivered a short time later. Man, did she have a hell of a time. She was coughing and felt like throwing up. The little was eating/drinking everything in sight that they were allowed and took her IV out. That's not something I want to have to deal with again. The oldest fought having to eat/drink anything. She was afraid it would hurt and afraid of having her IV out. We finally left the surgery center at 1:30 in the afternoon. We had to make a stop for another antibiotic. We got everyone settled at home and spent the rest of the day eating Popsicle and drinking juice while watching shows. The littlest was running around the house like nothing had happened. The oldest was acting like her world had ended. It was a week with these two!

We got help from my hubby's parents who came to stay with us on Sunday (5 days after surgery) to take care of the oldest as she had to stay out of school for a whole week. The littlest went back to daycare on Monday. She was so excited to see her friends that day. It was another thing when Wednesday came and the oldest had to go to school. I had constant contact with the school nurse about how we were doing because she had to give the oldest Tylenol that week while she was at school. She even encouraged her to eat.

We are now three weeks past surgery and everyone is doing great. The little has a runny nose and I thought for sure when we went for our follow up with the ENT Tuesday that he was going to tell me she had another ear infection, but her ears were clear! I couldn't believe it!  Small miracles! Everyone is happy and healthy. Most important is that they are pretty much back to normal! Fingers crossed for no more ear infections, pneumonia, bronchitis or any other issues.

I survived so far

No one tells you hard it is to be a mom with your child starting Kindergarten. As a mom I am so emotional about it. I hope it isn't this hard when the second starts in 3 years! I know on a daily basis we, moms & even dads, struggle with letting them be independent and doing so much for them. We struggle with keeping them close to us or letting them fly. I feel like Kindergarten is the beginning of them being more independent and there is nothing we can do about it unless you choose to home school! You have to let them go to school and be away from you. For us its a whole day! It shouldn't be such a big deal for me because both of mine have been in daycare all day for 10 months now, but it is. I'm feeling like this milestone requires more from her and I. I feel like it requires her to grow up a bit more. Not that she isn't ready for Kindergarten, but I think she needs to grow up a little more emotionally. I think it requires me to force/let her be more independent and allow her to go more places and do more things. I think it means I need to start teaching her how to do things on her own - shower, clean up messes, brush teeth, and do chores kind of things.

I don't know if I'm ready for her to be in Kindergarten. I know she will be in great hands especially after last night's Unpack your Backpack Night. The nurse and her teacher have already been in communication with each other about her respiratory issues. Her teacher even asked me more questions about what I see when she starts getting into trouble because each child is different. She took notes and everything! She was so reassuring about the situation. Then we met the nurse and turned in our medications. I wanted to make sure Madison met as many of the teachers/adults as possible, so if something happened she would know who to look for.

Navigating chronic sickness

This has been so hard. I haven't a lot about the issues we have been dealing with. My kids have been sick soo much. I knew when they started daycare that they were going to get sick, that they needed to build up their immune systems, but I never thought that it would be like this.

The baby has had 10 ear infections in just as many months. I know you are thinking, what about tubes? Adenoids removed? Tonsils? She had 4 ear infections from end of October to beginning of December. December 3rd she had her tubes put in & adenoids removed. They want to wait until she a little older on the tonsils. That means she has had 6 ear infections since the tubes have been put in. They are easier to deal with  because all we do is put in her ear drops & its clear in a few days. Other than this we have had colds & flus.

The oldest. Oh, when this girl gets sick she gets sick. December she had bronchitis and the stomach flu. Then in 2015 she has had 3 ear infections, 4 bouts of pneumonia (one sent us to the ER), the flu and I can't remember what else. The scary part of this is the bouts of pneumonia because she has illness induced asthma as well. Her first time with pneumonia sent us to the ER because she was retraction bad at daycare and the Dr had no appts available. I fought and got her a nebulizer with albeutrol to help deal with her illness induced asthma. The second bout wasn't bad at all. Her third bout was a little less than a month ago. This was my last straw. We went in to see the Dr and she was barely moving air. I did all I could to keep my cool because this has been so hard to deal with. We talked very little about next steps. We were given an antibiotic, steroid & told to use the nebulizer every 4 hours. She got better! I got steroids on hand for when things were to happen again. Then 10 days ago, she was worse. Yep, you guessed it Pneumonia again! 2 times in July! I lost it. What the hell?! I have made an appt for her to see an ENT about possible having her tonsils & adenoids out to to help her. I got her an appointment with a pediatric pulmonary doctor but it's not until December 10th! That's how far out they are scheduling.

I know something going on with her, but I don't know what. Is there some underlying reason she keeps getting it? I got a letter from our insurance about chronic illness & them having support for it. It's addressed to The Parents of The Oldest and the first line is "you are not alone." Well, I'm glad someone said it because I sure as hell feel alone in it. That letter is sitting on my counter, waiting for me to have time to call that number, to ask the questions and hopefully find some help. I'm ready to get some answers.

Its scary to have a kid who gets these illnesses, but to add an illness induced asthma to that is even scarier. I don't sleep when she starts coughing. I second guess what I should be doing - should I give her the inhaler? should I use a nebulizer? should I start the steroid? do we need to go to the Dr? Or the ER? Is she retracting? Is she getting enough air?  You just never know. I'm still learning and navigating my way through all this. My hope is that she out grows it, so these are not life long worries.

Demons

Yesterday a good friend of mine shared a blog on her Facebook about a Dad struggling with being a recovering alcoholic. He was doing awesome and then out of no where his urge to drink hit him after 3 years sober! Well, this brought up a lot of things for me and thankfully she was there to "talk" it out with.

The demons aren't just those of an alcoholic, I know. I am the daughter of an alcoholic. Most people think of my step-dad as my Dad and don't realize I had another man in my life that "donated" his genetic material. My mom and him were married, so it wasn't a donation truly, but it was.

Truth is he drank and wanted his drink more than he cared about his family. He would have denied that statement was true to the very end, but us, his kids, & his wife knew better. My brother and I would sit and wait for him to show up and he never would. We would go years without knowing where he was and then he would suddenly show up though never for the important stuff like

There was a time when he didn't take us home when he should have. Essentially he had kidnapped us, but he left us with our uncle, his brother, who was only seven years older than us. Another time he climbed a two-story building drunk to see us in the middle of the night. I was little and I remember it vividly. Yet a different time that he went "golfing" with his brother and came back upset at him that he wanted to leave (we were staying there). He was drunk and his sister tried to stop him from taking us with him, so he pushed her up against a wall and started choking her. My brother grabbed the phone and dialed 911. When they answered he took the phone from him to hang it up. When it rang back, his sister told them that it was a mistake and her nephew was playing with the phone. Thankfully, he ended up leaving without us.

All of these events have turned into demons for me. I'm paranoid that someone is going climb up our two story house and try to get in, in the middle of the night. Which is why I refuse to allow any of our windows to be unlocked or opened at night. I watch my own husband like a hawk for signs of alcoholism because I don't want to continue the cycle. I don't have more than an occasional drink myself for fear that alcoholism is in my genetics.

These aren't the only demons I acquired from this. I cut this man out of my life when I was 18 years old. In just over a month from today it will have been 18 years since I cut him out. I haven't seen him except in a court room and the last time that was I was 21. It was the last time I saw him that sticks with me more than anything. "You're just like your mother, a greedy bitch." I am like my mother, but it wasn't greed that spurred that case against him, it was wanting better for her children. She was making sure that I could go through college by suing him to make him pay his 1/2 of my college education just like their divorce degree stated. I did it!

Now I've had to make a choice about my kids and whats best for them in regards to all this. My children will one day learn the truth of their mom's history, but that day won't before a while. For now my children will keep believing that my Dad (step-dad) is all there is. This is one that I second guess sometimes when I read things about how others kicked their habits, but I know deep down that its the correct decision. I'm also grateful for friends to listen to me and tell me to stop it!

Small Town Life

I'm sure a lot of you are wondering how does a girl from Chicago adapt to being in a small town? Why would you want to live in a small town?

Well, I adapted pretty well. Some would say I was a country girl born in the city. I hated the traffic and commotion that a city provides. Don't get me wrong, I love to go back to visit, but I don't ever want to live there again.

I made this decision to move to Iowa because it would be quieter, it would mean better schools for my kids and it would be safer. It was not a decision that I made lightly at all. It meant giving up having family nearby. It meant starting over. When I first moved it meant being alone 75% or more of the time because my husband traveled for work. When we had our first, it meant me being a single parent while he traveled with no real help until he was home. I made these sacrifices for the good of my family.

When we first moved to our small town 3 years ago, I was a stay at home mom with a 2 year old and pregnant.  We didn't really have many neighbors at the time either because our part of the development was new. I hardly knew anyone. It felt like I didn't belong, but that this was home.  Then last October (2014), I got a job and put my girls into daycare. I started meeting people from our town. Yet I still felt like there was this password to get accepted into mom groups or to become friends with the people of this small town. Truth is, its more about the kids and us parents making more of an effort to be a part of this community. Through my work, I was able to make these connections because my coworkers are at the high school games being athletic trainers or are doing rehab for someone who knows someone else and I'm the "gatekeeper" to them. Which is fine. I've made friends with many of these people. Some of the high school kids are working in the daycare that my kids go to. This town is finally feeling like home. It's nice.

We go to our town's yearly celebration in the third weekend in July. Last year, we knew our few neighbors. This year I got stopped to chat by the teenagers I see in my work and at the daycare, by our daycare teachers, by my daughter's tee-ball coach, by the parents of some of these teenagers, parents of my children's friends and yes even the newer neighbors in our development. I swear I couldn't walk more than a few feet without a "hi, how you doing?" It was great! This feeling of being part of something bigger and of having a "village" to help raise my kids, that's why I moved to this small town. It took a while, but it's home now. It will always be home.

I just wish I could move other towns (like the one my parents are in & the one my best friend of 25 + years is in) to be right next to mine because I miss them too much.

About me

Well, I guess I should start with a little background. I'm a 35 year old (almost 36) wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister & friend. I'm devoted to the people who call me by these labels and would lay my life down for them if the need arises. I was born and raised in Chicago and its suburbs, but now I live in a small town in Iowa. Its not much different just not as crowded and its a little of a slower pace. It suits me just fine. Unfortunately, my family and friends are still back there.

I have some huge opinions that I probably don't express enough of. I expect a lot of people & sometimes my expectations maybe a little too much for some, but its nothing I don't expect of myself.

I have a life full of crazy with 2 big, goofy Labradors, 2 little girls I adore and a husband that may drive me insane every once in a while, but he is the best. You will probably hear a ton about my family later.

I was a stay at home mom for six years and then in October of 2014 I went back to work. I found a nice little job that allows me to leave my work at work and to take time when the kids are sick without worry of losing my job. One of the perks of my job is a gym membership. This has allowed me to begin to focus on getting healthy. 

This all makes for an awesome balancing act. So me days I get it right and others are a complete fail, or at least it seems, but everyday I am blessed.